Author Archive

Different Place

Written by on June 2nd, 2015 – 2 Comments

20150522_193547I find myself in a very different place in life these days. I am feeling less like I am just trying to get through just the next second, minute, hour or day. I have long drifted past those first terrifying few years post MS diagnosis. I finally have a solid treatment plan in place and I find I can look at more in my life than simply my next medical crisis. I definitely still have bad days, but I know they won’t last forever. I never thought I would get to that point. I never thought I would get to a point where the future didn’t create an anxious feeling in the pit of my stomach. It’s a liberating feeling. (more…)

Never Goodbye, Just a See You Later – Part 1

Written by on February 24th, 2015 – No Comments

Loribelle 19.2Hello again SLM Community! I am so sorry to have seemingly been absent so long. I promise you guys that you weren’t far from my thoughts. Time seems to have gotten way from me; nonetheless, I have returned! In doing so, I am finally sharing an article I had been somewhat hesitant to let go of as it is about someone who was so very, very dear to me.

As most of you are well aware, I am a woman with an amazing support network. I have a large group of family and friends who have helped me throughout my life and my MS journey. I am blessed to come from a large family with many grandparents, aunt and uncles and other relatives. I was fortunate to have a team of people that always had my back and I could go to for anything. I’ve been lucky to share close relationships with my grandparents; something I am well aware of that not everyone gets. It is through that blessing that I have experienced some of the ultimate highs in this life and some heart shattering lows. I am going to split this post into two (please click here for part 2) as this story encompasses more words than just one post can convey. So please bear with the split and know this story comes from some treasured parts of my life!

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Never Goodbye, Just a See You Later – Part 2

Written by on February 24th, 2015 – No Comments

Please note: This post is part 2, to read part 1 please click here

 

I had been through the death of a loved one before. It was certainly not my first grandparent related death; it was just different. I felt the pain more acutely than before and there was a gaping void left in my heart. That sounds so cliché but there must be a reason there is such a cliché, right? I was so very numb and broken during that first day without him. I still had my MS infusion scheduled and I knew I couldn’t put that off because my grandfather wouldn’t have wanted it. So we drove the two hours to the private clinic. I sat the required two hours for treatment with sunglasses on so the tears I shed were private and I had some protection from the reality that I was facing. A reality that meant one of my closest allies in this world was no long here. The truth of that day was far too much for me to bear. After completing treatment and returning to my home, my body decided things were too much for it and it shut down. I lost consciousness, my breathing slowed to an almost imperceptible level, and my heart rate dropped. I still feel bad about my parents having to deal with that on top of everything else.

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Uninhibited

Written by on August 19th, 2014 – 3 Comments

20140812_164053We all know that at times, with MS, it can feel like we are weighed down by it. Sometimes the simple things become more difficult and time consuming. So when can we feel completely free? When do we feel thoroughly uninhibited and free? Can we? The answers are different for everyone and I certainly can’t speak to anyone else’s answers but I can give you mine. For me, I do think I can be uninhibited and free.  I feel utterly free in the water. Water is the equalizer for me!

 

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Judged

Written by on April 29th, 2014 – 2 Comments

I am a 28 year old woman with a current diagnosis of RRMS. I have had this disease for just over seven years now. In those seven years I have become acutely familiar with one thing, judgment. Unfortunately, at times, this diagnosis makes me feel judged. Right or wrong as persons with MS we are judged. We are judged by doctors, family and friends. We are judged by the outside world and even judged by our friends within the MS community; a jury of our peers so to speak. I am in no way implying that all judgments are meant to be malicious. It just simply goes with the territory. I wish more people were aware of this fact and endeavored not to play into the judgment game. I would like to hope that in the future these judgments can be removed from this territory and that the simple exchanges of experiences become the primary focus.

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Plans

Written by on April 15th, 2014 – No Comments

This crusader always has a plan. Sometimes even a back-up plan or two. ‘Type A’, highly organized, creature of habit, have all been words used to describe who I am. I like things well thought out and a plan that is executable. I had my future mapped out well before I graduated high school. I knew what I wanted to do for a living. I thought I had an edge. I had already figured out the elusive path I thought I would take in life. See where I am going with this? Oh the irony, a ‘type A’ planner ends up with the diagnosis of an unpredictable disease. The quote, “We make plans and God laughs” comes to mind. So how does a planner reconcile that certain aspects of life can’t be planned on anymore? With great difficulty and a lot of calming breaths!

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Procrastination

Written by on December 10th, 2013 – 4 Comments

I am a January baby. I was born in 1986 during a cold winter in Canada. Seriously, is there any other kind?! My mama’s due date was in December but I decided that didn’t work for me. Clearly I was a procrastinator even in the womb. It’s been 27 years and nothing has changed. I get things done, but usually at the last minute. I start my Christmas shopping months in advance in the hopes that I have everything completed by the time it arrives. Inevitably, there are still the last minutes shopping runs on Christmas Eve. I am just fine with my procrastinator label, most of the time. The one place I don’t think I am a procrastinator is when it comes to my MS. (more…)

From Tears to Love

Written by on December 3rd, 2013 – 2 Comments

I wrote this article a few months ago but hesitated in publishing it. I think I hesitated because if I published it that meant everything I had said was a reality. It is a reality. It is my reality. It is my story and my MS journey. Each day holds something different. It’s not easy and that’s okay. I have invited this community into my MS journey and I need to honour that connection by being honest about where I am at. So without further adieu here is another chapter in my story.

Tuesday of last week started out as a day with such promise. Sure, this crusader had to get up at an hour she would rather not see but it was a bright and sunny day! How could a beautiful day not be an occasion worth smiling or enjoying? However, by late morning those smiles would be replaced with a few tears and a lot of frustration. Still more surprising would be the end of the week. It would bring more love and support than a crusader ever could have imagined. (more…)

It’s About the Small Things

Written by on October 8th, 2013 – 1 Comment

As I have said many times in my past articles, life is complex and complicated with MS. It’s a never ending rollercoaster ride that I am certain we would all disembark if we had the chance. The feeling of glee when flying along that coaster track never comes. It seems that the stomach dropping free-fall feeling is ceaseless. So with the happy moments of life with MS fleeting and rare, what is it that makes us smile when we want nothing more than to fall into a heap of tears at the end of the day? For me, it’s the small things. (more…)

Fine Line

Written by on September 24th, 2013 – 5 Comments

There is a fine line between concern and constant worrying about a person with MS. I understand the feeling of helplessness that comes along with being an MS caretaker or spouse. I have a parent with a chronic illness and I have seen the toll it can take on family as well as a spouse. Believe me when I say I get it. I understand the need to want to help. I get the need to be useful and the desire to not stand idle while an illness ravages a loved one. Also believe me when I tell you that a person with a chronic illness or disease never forgets the fact they have one. It might not be in their every thought or action, but they always know. It’s in the back of their head. It’s a nagging thought in the middle of the day, night, week or year. A constant reminder, however noble intentioned, is not required. (more…)