A Letter To Wee Ashley…

Written by on September 5th, 2017 – 4 Comments

About a year ago this photo was shared with me through social media from way back when.  I thought nothing of it other than how cute we were, we had our Easter baskets, we were playing with the crayons and side-walk chalk etc.,  that the Easter Bunny left us.  When I was a kid, we didn’t get cell phones and battery-powered vehicles like kids do now.  A few months back, the photo resurfaced and this time, I wasn’t thinking how cute we were, this time I was thinking “I want to go back to that time where my only worry was what the Easter Bunny left me, or in my case, what the hell my mom was going to do to my hair that day, Jesus! Own a brush?! lol.  I sat and stared at the picture for several minutes, I’m not even sure I was thinking anything, more in a daze, looking at that big genuine smile.

I went into work the next day and my boss asked me how I was doing, I shared this story with her and was explaining how it was bitter-sweet because I looked back at a young “wee Ashley” as my Grandma would say, and at a point thought “you had no idea what was in store for you”.  My boss asked me, “what would you tell your five-year old self”? It was a good question.  I hadn’t thought about it, but since that day, I still look at this photo and think of what I would say to this sweet innocent little girl.  I would tell her to slow down and enjoy being a kid, that “adulting” sucks and as much as you don’t believe that yet, trust me, it does.  I would tell her to never lose her inner child.  Find something and someone who will make you laugh and enjoy your days.  Don’t sweat the small stuff!

 I know this will be hard for you, wee Ashley, because you care FAR to much about making sure everyone is happy and ok that you will forget to make sure YOU’RE ok.  It’s not bad to care, just learn (as I’ve recently read) how much f*cks to give and when those f*cks are necessary.  You will realize when you’re 32 years old, most things you’ve stressed about or people you’ve let upset you, do not deserve a f*ck to be given.  Find something good in each and every day and don’t stress about the things you can’t control OR shitty people you can’t change.  You will try but years later learn that you can’t please everyone, not everyone is going to like the strong opinions you’ll form as you get older, not everyone is going to appreciate the sarcasm that will come to big a big part of who you are and most important, to follow your heart and to always do what makes you happy regardless if it goes against the norm.  If you’re not happy with yourself, you can’t be happy for anyone and that’s a recipe for disaster.  I would tell wee Ashley that she is going to make mistakes, some larger than others and that’s ok.  It’s not about the mistakes we make, we ALL make them, is how we handle it, learn from it and move forward.

I would tell this innocent wee Ashley, to stay true to herself, stand up for what she knows is right and to have a voice for those that need it.  When you finally reach highschool, do not, I repeat DO NOT allow anyone or anything to change you and your morals… and you won’t, well done.  I’m sorry to say this wee one, but soon you will come to realize, as big as these problems will seem during highschool and University,  you will soon understand how so insignificant they are compared to what life has in store for you.  In your 30s Ashley, before you’re married and have children, you’re going to get a phone call and you’re going to be told you have an incurable illness that will do what it wants when it wants and how it wants and you will look back on EVERYTHING you worried about, everyone you stressed about, everything you cried about, took personal and couldn’t let go for weeks and weeks, and everything you got angry about and you’ll understand what I mean.  During those times, the situations will seem life altering, overwhelming, like the end of the world but when you face the day your life changes, the day that will make you feel like a little piece of you has died, you’ll understand my message and why this is my advice you; my sensitive, I have to make everyone happy and everything needs to be perfect, young self.

So wee Ashley, knowing this now, as you grow older, befriend those who have your best interest at heart.  Surround yourself with people who would do anything for you and in turn, you would do anything for.  Trust until that trust in broken, believe that there is good in everyone and form your own opinions.  It’s not about how many friends you can list on paper, it’s about genuine care and loyalty through the good and the bad.  What I will also tell you wee one, is that I promise to take care of your pure genuine soul and big sweet heart, when you get the news about MS.  I may not be perfect at it, but I will do my best.  The little girl in this picture is very much alive and I owe it to her, and that smiling face, to take care of her and to keep her shining bright.  She didn’t ask for this, none of us did so giving up is not an option.  This little peanut deserves more than that.

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4 Responses

  1. Mom says:

    absolute beautiful, I am so touched……………amazing

  2. bmgalway says:

    Such a beautiful story Adhley. That “wee Ashley” should be very proud of the woman she would become. Love you so much.

  3. Stefani says:

    Love the last part, giving up is not an option!