Different Place

Written by on June 2nd, 2015 – 2 Comments

20150522_193547I find myself in a very different place in life these days. I am feeling less like I am just trying to get through just the next second, minute, hour or day. I have long drifted past those first terrifying few years post MS diagnosis. I finally have a solid treatment plan in place and I find I can look at more in my life than simply my next medical crisis. I definitely still have bad days, but I know they won’t last forever. I never thought I would get to that point. I never thought I would get to a point where the future didn’t create an anxious feeling in the pit of my stomach. It’s a liberating feeling.

My journey with MS has been long and fraught with complications so far. I also happen to have a migraine condition that has taken many years to get into a semblance of control. For almost the past decade I have spent my time primarily navigating one medical crisis after another. If it wasn’t my MS it was my migraines. There wasn’t a whole lot of light at the end of either of those tunnels. People would assure me that there would be an upswing at some point, that things would eventually go my way. I was told to hang in there, that we would find some treatments and relief.  I desperately wanted to believe that and eventually over time I did start to believe. I started winning some battles and passing some milestones. Things were finally looking up.

It has been four years this month since my last clinical MS flare. It took six months in 2011 to recover completely from that last flare. After six months, I had been able walk without mobility aids again. I had regained the ability to control my legs and feet. While I am not currently in a complete remission, my disease is in a stable state. My annual brain MRI shows that while there have been a few new lesions, they aren’t alarming in number or severity. Those are things I take as wins. They are milestones for me. This four year period is the longest period, post MS diagnosis, between flares. It is progress!

My migraine condition has been pretty difficult to get a handle on. Identifying triggers and trying to avoid them has been a battle. Some things are easily avoidable while others aren’t quite so straight forward. For example, artificial sweeteners are pretty easy to avoid. Unfortunately, changes in barometric pressure aren’t so easily controllable. So in my particular case I try to control the things I can and adjust as best I can when the trigger can’t be controlled. I currently have a neurologist that works with me specifically on my migraine condition. We have gone forward with a Botox type therapy aided by a rescue medication when needed. Previous to this plan, I had tried an abundance of other options; always striving to find the perfect balance that would leave me able to live a ‘normal’ life. For several years that balance proved to be elusive, now it seems like a balance has been struck. Instead of having a migraine 5 out of 7 days a week, it’s typically only 2. I know that probably doesn’t sound like progress to most people but I take it as a win. I can only hope that it will continue to get better!

So here I am, 29 years old and living a mostly ‘normal’ life. It’s amazing. It’s definitely not a place I ever thought I would be. I still have little things that make me a little quirkier than most; I can deal with those. I can deal with having some quirks, because who wants to be completely normal anyway? So for now I will enjoy this new and different place. I will be grateful and try to look forward without fear!

– Loribelle


2 Responses

  1. Really glad to hear your migraines have become less frequent. That’s HUGE!!

  2. Alice Wagner says:

    My daughter has dry heaves while travelling on the bus to work in the am and difficulty hearing certain pitches in her left. Alice