My Story

Written by on October 1st, 2013 – 8 Comments

Welcome to my very first blog post! I am going to take this opportunity to introduce myself and share a bit of my “MS story.”

I am 28 years old and I have been living with MS for almost 4 years. It has been one hell of a journey, let me tell you.  While being an MS patient is a significant part of my life, I prefer not to define myself as such.  I prefer to define myself as a University student, an Administrator at a film production company, an older sister to two younger sisters, a daughter to my amazingly supportive parents, a good friend, and a girlfriend to the kindest, most thoughtful man I have ever known. Most importantly, I like to define myself as an independent young woman.

I have always been an independent person. Time after time though, MS tries to take away that independence.  Sometime it succeeds, but usually it does not.  When I was 24, I was in my prime.  I had, through exercise and healthy eating, lost 80 pounds.  I felt really proud of this accomplishment, and my confidence was through the roof.  I was working full time at a great job, which allowed me to travel with a good friend quite frequently. About a month after my weigh-in at the 80 pound goal, I woke up one morning with the worst headache of my life.

 The next day, the pain had moved from my head, into my left eye. The day after that, I started having fuzzy vision in that eye. My eye continually got worse, and other symptoms started to show themselves. All of a sudden I was losing my balance, walking into door frames, feeling tingling (along with other unexplainable sensations) all over my body, and getting weaker every day. By the time I actually got to see a neurologist, about a month later, I could barely walk.

I will never forget the moment that the doctor confirmed that my MRI showed lesions, and I did, in fact, have MS.  I was sitting in the doctor’s office with my mom, and I just broke down.  I’ve never been an overly emotional person, but this moment changed that. This moment changed my life.

I spent several months bed-ridden, which was beyond frustrating – I was gaining back pounds that I had worked so hard to lose, and, more importantly, I had no idea what my future was going to look like.

I was lucky enough to completely recover from this initial attack. I felt like myself again for almost two years.  I went back to the gym and was doing everything I had been able to do before. I started gaining some of that confidence back.

Last year, the MS decided to go into over drive. After giving me two good years, the MS decided to give me a really bad year.  I have been struggling for the last year, having relapse after relapse, mainly affecting my ability to walk. It has been a really rough year. Even now as I write this, my legs are numb, and it is hard to get around. I am frustrated. I am sure those of you reading this, who are going through the same thing, experience this frustration.

I am trying to think of some way to end this first blog that is positive or inspiring to you in some way, and it is really hard, I am not going to lie. I guess the best thing I can say is, that, despite the challenges I’ve had for the last year, I haven’t given up.  I still work, I still go to school, and I still live independently. It is really hard (sometimes it feels impossible), but I do it.  I keep pushing forward. I hope you keep pushing forward too.

8 Responses

  1. danben says:

    Great first blog Kirstimarie and sorry to hear you are having a rough year but with your strong spirit and attitude it will get better or at least more manageable. Everyones M.S. is different and unpredictable .Reading what you went thru and are currently going thru again after a relief period brought me back to my darkest hour well darkest month, April 2012 I will never forget but since then I have maintained more physical activity and kept the M.S. from repeating that month. We all share the same sentiment of not giving up and I’m hoping 2014 will be a much better year for you and every year ahead.

  2. F.U.MS says:

    Great first blog. Thank you for sharing your story. Like danben said, everyone’s MS is different. You are brave to tell your story and please keep sharing.

  3. Himani says:

    Your story is naturally inspiring, you don’t need to struggle to end your first blog in an inspiring way. It takes a lot of courage to share the way you are and that is amazing!
    I know at times it can be frustrating, even scary, but the one thing you never have to fear is expressing yourself. So please keep writing! It’s great for you, and for all of us 🙂

  4. Loribelle says:

    Welcome to the SLM community! Like Himani said, there is no need to try and find an inspiring way to end your blog post. Your story itself in inspiring! Your courage to keep pushing forward shows everyone there is hope! I look forward to reading your continued posts!

  5. kirstimarie says:

    Thank you for the warm welcome everyone 🙂 I am enjoying reading all of your blogs as well.

  6. Lioncoeur says:

    Thanks for sharing you story! Can’t wait to read the rest of them 🙂

  7. triggered says:

    thanks for writing up…I’m recently diagnosed after my second relapse… im still in Denial phase.. lost confidence in myself..let’s see how it turns out

  8. Josée says:

    Thanks for sharing your story…I just got diagnosed 3 weeks ago after my 3 relapse…..will start copaxone today….I’m waiting for the nurse right now….good to see I’m not alone:)….