Archive for July, 2013

Good friends trump MS everytime

Written by on July 30th, 2013 – 1 Comment

Close your eyes, and let your mind fall back to a time when you were happy, like really happy, excited, scared, but the scared part didn’t matter because the joy you felt was so grand that it seemed to black out the fear. Remember that moment? The moment when the stars line up just for you, all the doors and windows of possibility are flung open waiting for you to pick one, whichever one you want. You have worked so hard for this moment.

All the late nights, mascara tears, mind blowing arguments, slaps, nights alone, and feeling all alone even though he is laying in bed right next to you, yes all those moments, well right now they don’t matter, because all you can think about is… OH MY GOD my leg isn’t working. The golden sun turns black, it starts raining, and his white trash ex girlfriend walks into the church and you don’t know what is going on. Suddenly your eyes shoot open and you sit up, freaking out, but regaining your breath because you just realized is was a horrific nightmare of all the sweet and sour things that could happen on your wedding day.

(more…)

When All You Can Do is Laugh…You Laugh…

Written by on July 23rd, 2013 – 9 Comments

I always said the one of the hardest parts of having MS is that no one knows you’re sick because you don’t look sick.  I have often been questioned with my diagnosis or been accused of faking my symptoms.  This often leads to the paranoid people as well; “do you feel ok? Are you sick? You’re pale, are you ok?” sometimes I felt if I LOOKED sick no one would have the courage to talk to me, I would just be left alone … and sometimes it’s nice to be in the shadows when you’re sick (and on high doses of steroids and could snap at any time). 

This attitude quickly changed when I looked sick.  The stares, the questions, the looks, the snickering from young kids, the pointing in the grocery store – wow, what a world I had no idea existed. Call me naïve. I guess I just figured in our day and age society had accepted that people are different and we were above that. You know it’s a sad world when you’re embarrassed to go grocery shopping … 

No one (besides my mom and dad, a few friends, and husband) see me at my worst! By the time I step out into the world, I’m better and “look healthy”. 

When I was told I should take a walker home, I believe my reply was something like this “um no thanks” to which my physio said “it wasn’t really a question”, my mistake, I thought it was.  She sent me home with the referral for a walker and a cane and I sent it straight to the recycling bin :).  I DID stop and get my cane, what I thought would be easier (if I looked sick), was actually WAY more difficult.

Even though I only had my walker for a week and my cane for 4, I learnt a few things that I wanted to share with my readers:

(more…)

A Moment of Personal Triumph

Written by on July 16th, 2013 – 5 Comments

On the May long weekend, my husband and I decided to hike Quarry Rock. It’s a part of the Baden Powell Trail, located in Deep Cove, which is 13 km from downtown Vancouver. It’s a punishing, steep and winding 8 km hike to the Quarry Rock view point. The trail is a mass of roots, loose rock, slippery sections, rough stairs (some of which are hip high!) and bridges. Conditions are such that if you’re like me and have no proprioception (and therefore, no balance) you cannot allow your attention to stray from you feet for a single second.

The trail head begins with a climb that is 45 degrees straight up. I stood looking up at it and thinking “WOW!” and wondering if I was out of my mind. My second thought (the one that usually gets me into trouble) was “Well…as long as I’m here…”

(more…)

Speak

Written by on July 9th, 2013 – 4 Comments

Multiple Sclerosis; these are two words that changed my life many years ago. They are words I have come to terms with, which I live by and those I advocate for. I pray for a cure and seek a way to end MS. I let people in to my darkest hours with this disease. I have allowed admittance on to the MS roller coaster my life has become. I speak about my experiences so that the person who cannot speak about theirs knows they are not alone. I understand, many of you understand and we will fight to make sure someone else doesn’t have to understand. (more…)

The next chapter

Written by on July 2nd, 2013 – 4 Comments

My convocation is finally here. After five long years, I’ve finally earned a degree, a designation, and a certificate. Being able to walk across the stage is something I should be excited about. I should be excited about finally finishing a chapter of my life, but for the ceremony, I’m indifferent.

After my last exam, I just wanted to jump out of my chair and dance my way out of the room. Instead, I had to quietly walk out as my peers finish their exams. The first thing I did was call mom.

It was a conversation I could not forget.

(more…)