Not Done

Written by on June 18th, 2013 – 7 Comments

When I was diagnosed with MS in 2009, I didn’t cry in the doctor’s office. I cried in the hospital parking lot on the phone with my husband. I cried all the way home in the car. I cried at my house and because I was feeling terrible and apparently wanted to feel worse, I went online and cried some more. The internet can be wonderful, but once you start going down that rabbit hole where every link on every page takes you to a darker and scarier place, it can be horrible.

After all that I read, I was sure that I was done. I would never get to do all the things I wanted to do. I was 34 with two small children and I was done.

I don’t remember how or where I came across Aaron’s story, but I remember I was gobsmacked. I knew that band. I had one of their albums.

“Look at that guy,” I said to my husband, “he plays the drums. His hands hold drumsticks and move in a coordinated way. To make music. In a band. That people pay money to see. Incredible.”

At the time I read Aaron’s story, I had just had a hard and lengthy relapse. I couldn’t really do anything with my left hand, much less hit a drum with a drumstick. I was frustrated and discouraged. However, I began to feel a little bit of hope; maybe I wasn’t done just yet.

I went to see Billy Talent in London (Ontario) in 2010 and then again just recently in 2013. Of course I wanted to hear the music, but I really wanted to see Aaron play live. That sense of awe hasn’t diminished in three years. The drums.

In 2011 I was participating in my local MS Walk with some friends when a guy wearing one of those red “I-have-MS” signs blew past us.

“Look at that guy,” I said to my friend,” he is running. Up a hill. Around people. And fast. Incredible.”

And so I began “collecting” stories of people with MS who are doing great things: creating art, making music, performing in plays, going to school, participating in sports, the list goes on. Your stories have given me hope and helped me move forward. Even when MS takes you in a different direction than the one you thought you’d go in, you are still doing amazing things. You are not done.

Obviously I am not going to play the drums in an arena full of people, but right now I can run. I am running 4k in my local MS Walk. I am also playing soccer this summer because even though I have MS, I am not done.

7 Responses

  1. Lioncoeur says:

    I’ve found that hearing about successes like Aaron’s stories has been so helpful! I was the same way when I was diagnosed, thinking this would mean I was “done.” I’m also training for the MS Walk next year, wanting to run at least 5k!

    You go, girl!

    • Trina says:

      Thanks! You can totally do a 5k! I ran the whole 4k and finished in 24 minutes which I think is pretty good 🙂

  2. F.U.MS says:

    This was really cool for me to read Trina. Right now I have some jet lag from a flight to Germany last night. Trying to cope with jet lag is hard for anyone, MS or not. A bunch of people will be going out to celebrate a birthday of a really good friend we have out here. I’ve opted for a movie and some sleep. I’ll say happy birthday to him tomorrow.

    I’m really glad my story has helped you out. Fighting this fight can be draining and reading what you wrote has given me a bit more strength. I’ll need it. 70,000 people tomorrow night. Another 70,000 on Saturday. This is just the start of summer touring. Thanks for the post!!


    • Trina says:

      Well, you’re welcome. It really was the right story at the right time for me. Good luck on the tour this summer!

  3. Lelainia says:

    THAT’S THE SPIRIT!! I do what I do in my life, not just because it’s important for me, but also because it’s important for the people around me to see that MS and NMO are NOT the end of your life. If anything, it’s a call to action-a call to do all the things you’ve been leaving for “someday” RIGHT NOW. We must do the things we need our vision, our legs, our hands for NOW while we still can. I don’t want to have any regrets! Keep on keepin’ on Trina!

  4. Trina says:

    Thanks, Lelainia! I agree 100% 🙂

  5. MSBeans says:

    Thanks Trina. You said what I’ve been thinking, the inspirational stories of others especially on this site have help me get through my first moderate attack since I was diagnosed about a year and a half ago. Just over a week in and deciding to take steroids in the hopes it would pass quicker, I decided do more. To be healthy. To be active in the sports I love (volleyball and softball). Really the most important decision is to get involved with my local MS Society which I really haven’t done or thought to do since finding out I have MS. I am so glad I found this site before my diagnosis, but now its time for me to seek out others like me too. 🙂