Written by on October 22nd, 2012 – 4 Comments

And then I woke up….

To be honest with you, no one needs to know the details of me getting back on my feet.  Feb 2nd 2012 is a day I’ll always remember. It’s really hard for me to go back to that place and I’m glad I’m at the stage where I’m writing about it. That’s not to say that I’m %100 cool with talking about it yet. I guess that will come with a bit more time. Maybe in a couple years I’ll be able to look in the mirror and not see the massive scar.  It’s not a part of me yet.  It’s still so new.

I know MS is really new to a lot of you here. It’s scary and awful and horrible and you would never wish it on your worst enemy.  A lot of you are going through harder times then others as well. I know many aren’t ready to talk about it yet and I totally understand. It’s okay to be angry and pissed off. You’re allowed. All I can give as advice is what I went through personally. It took me years to be able to talk to someone. It took me years to be totally cool with giving myself needles. But I am cool with it now. The heart surgery thing, not so much but I’m working on it. You’ll get there. With a healthy lifestyle, the right medication and a bit of time, those two little letters won’t bug you as much as they do now.


4 Responses

  1. Kubra says:

    Unlike you it didnt take time for me to talk about it. I am ok to talk about it but i am still not ok with the affects of it to my body.. The question “Why me?” never goes away.. Even tho i know it is so selfish to ask that question. And then the guilt.. I keep telling myself there are worst diseases out there that some people suffer from. In a world that babies get forms of cancers and die from it is it understandable for me to ask why me? But at the same time i am having trouble coping.. most of the time my mind works but not my body… I feel like this disease ate my life away stole everything from me. Since 20 i can not do anything that my friends do. I am ok with talking about it but i feel like as soon as people knows that i have ms they feel sorry for me.. So i kinda keep try to keep it a secret.

  2. Jan says:

    One step at a time, that’s what I have to begin to accept. I hope your scar will soon turn into something you can talk about.

    My father had cancer on his jar in 2005 and the surgery left very visible scars. He didn’t talk about it, either. Being just normal around him and casual about it was the best to make him comfortable talking about it. The second christmas after his surgery he still wasn’t allowed to drink wine, but he was laughing as my mother called a taxi late at night and sent my brother and me home. We both were hopelessly drunk on port wine (and regretted it in the morning, obviously), but I think my father had fun eating and watching my brother and me get wasted, which I think made him more comfortable with the situation.

    All the best to you!

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