Reaching a boiling point

Written by on January 17th, 2012 –

Hi I am Amanda and this is my blog 🙂

It goes without saying that life comes with its’ hardships. I will spare you a sob story, but I do want to try to structure this blog in such a way that you can get something out of it and on a level that goes beyond simply being able to relate. So put your thinking caps on-or go to the next blog, no one is forcing you to read this right?

But in order to get to my point I want to tell you a story. This is a story I will speak of this once and then only ever again in a fictional setting (i.e. a play that I swear one of these days I will write). I have recently met some people who live with MS and they really got me thinking. About how I choose to portray myself, about how I talk about my disease and the decision to not talk about it. Now those who are reading this and know me will know that I do not spare many details of my story (my bio picture probably indicates that I am not shy) and I have met many youth living with MS who choose not to share it with the world however this was different. These were adults. Adults with established careers, adults who, if you saw on the street, would probably blend in with everyone else.

The first man I met only briefly, once in fact. I would not even have known he had MS, except that I outed myself to him first. Immediately after finding out he had it I requested to know more-if he was willing to share. He was, however, I got the impression that it was not that often that he did share about his condition. He spoke very nonchalantly about it, and to the average person who has not lived with MS he seemed as if he was in control-but looking beyond the surface I could tell something was off. I regret that I only had a limited amount of time to speak to him, and in that limited amount of time I was not able to uncover enough to leave me satisfied, however I picked up on a few key themes in our conversation: No matter what age you are diagnosed you are always capable of that “teenage angst” towards MS, that you can exist in a world where not many people know you have MS (unless like me you have a walker :P) and learn to mask those symptoms that creep to the surface, and that in doing so you can also learn to suck the emotion out of admitting you live with MS when you choose to disclose it.

I have to say that this meeting, although it kind of gave me hope, gave me a growing agitation. I found myself talking about my MS more then I usually do, almost in what would seem like an effort to balance out this person’s constant masking of his disease.

Sorry to leave you hanging, but a resolution is near! Please read the next edition 🙂

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