Someone Like Me

The difficult parts of life are like a fight. The lifetime boxing match we all go through.

The first 24 years of my life were a challenge but it didn’t ever feel like a fight. Then MS came along and it was like a punch from out of nowhere that knocked me on my ass for years. But I got up. I fought. And I won the next few rounds. The fight wasn’t easy, but every round I kept coming out on top.

When heart surgery came around, it was easy because I could prepare. I knew how to fight it and it didn’t knock me down to bad. Eight weeks in bed with a month of “why me’s?” and I was back to my normal self.  The only difference was a massive scar on my chest.

Then my brother died and it was an uppercut that floored me. Right now I’m in the middle of getting back up and it’s really hard. There is no way I could have prepared for this punch. It’s the hardest one I have ever felt in my life. I’ve been kind of absent from everything for a while because I’m still trying to get up. The main thing is, I’m getting up. I am still fighting. I miss my brother so much. I am trying to get strength from him to get back up and get on with my life. 

None of us can prepare for the big hits.  It’s how we handle ourselves afterwards that shapes us into who we are.

I miss you Trev.

And then I woke up….

To be honest with you, no one needs to know the details of me getting back on my feet.  Feb 2^nd 2012 is a day I’ll always remember. It’s really hard for me to go back to that place and I’m glad I’m at the stage where I’m writing about it. That’s not to say that I’m %100 cool with talking about it yet. I guess that will come with a bit more time. Maybe in a couple years I’ll be able to look in the mirror and not see the massive scar.  It’s not a part of me yet.  It’s still so new.

I know MS is really new to a lot of you here. It’s scary and awful and horrible and you would never wish it on your worst enemy.  A lot of you are going through harder times then others as well. I know many aren’t ready to talk about it yet and I totally understand. It’s okay to be angry and pissed off. You’re allowed. All I can give as advice is what I went through personally. It took me years to be able to talk to someone. It took me years to be totally cool with giving myself needles. But I am cool with it now. The heart surgery thing, not so much but I’m working on it. You’ll get there. With a healthy lifestyle, the right medication and a bit of time, those two little letters won’t bug you as much as they do now.

Ha. What an understatement. I don’t really use this lingo when I like something. As one would say, “That was a sick movie!”. I would say, “That was an awesome movie!” If I went out skateboarding all day, I wouldn’t say “What a sick day!”.  I would say “What an awesome day!”. I guess “Awesome” is my word.  Had the person who was complementing my drumming used the word “Awesome”, instead of “Sick”, I wouldn’t be writing this right now.

Hello, my name is Aaron. In 1998, my whole world was turned upside down with two little letters. MS. Those letters don’t bug me as much as they used to. They have brought me to the hospital hundreds of times. I have given myself hundreds of needles since all of this began. Blood tests, high doses of intravenous corticosteroids, Interferon-beta-1a (Rebif) injected three times a week, MRI, and Evoked Potentials. These are just some of the words and terms that are normal for me now.

After 14 years of putting up with MS, I am happy to say I’ve figured it out so far. I have been taking my meds religiously this entire time and I can’t remember the last time I had a relapse. In my mind the relapses are gone for good. They have to be.  I play drums all over the world with my friends and I haven’t let MS get in the way of anything.

Last summer was the summer of getting fit and finishing writing our next record.  That and spending as much time with my family was all I had time for. Everyday I would ride my bike from the west end of Toronto to the east. I would eat a proper meal, bring lots of water and play drums for hours. I would then hop back on my bike and make my way back to the west end.  Everything was great but it was time for a routine check up with the doctor.  A few years ago I had some chest pains after riding my bike. I had some tests done and was told I have a bi-cuspit aortic valve.  I was told “It looks fine right now but we should keep an eye on It.” and “This is very common, 1 and 3 people have this problem”. Cool. That was years ago and here I am waiting for the words “Everything looks the same, see you in six months” This time the words were “You’re heart is growing, it’s over working itself and you need to have open heart surgery as soon as possible.”

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2012 has been a bit of a challenge for myself so far. On Feb 2^nd I had open heart surgery. In the beginning I felt pretty good.  As the experience dragged on I began to feel some of the same things I did when I was first told I have MS. “Why me?” was the biggest one.  I then went through about a month of feeling really down. I guess I was letting the “what ifs” really get in the way of my healing.  What if I can’t play drums this summer with my band was my biggest fear. I ended up using that fear to get me up and out of bed faster then normal. About 8 weeks after surgery, I was “lightly” playing the drums. About 3 months after surgery, I was killing the drums.

Don’t let fear get in the way of anything.